A new Semester is almost upon us, a fresh beginning, a new start. A chance to right your wrongs, put to bed those past study regrets that you may be harbouring, the time to draw on a clean slate. Every single semester, students up and down the country lie to both themselves and everyone around them by promising the following nine pieces of bullshit. Read on and discover how many of the following lies you tell yourself every semester. Happy procrastinating!
1) "I'm going to be so focused and organised this semester."
This is probably the strongest lie that we try and tell ourselves. We try and scare our inner thoughts into believing that this is our one last chance to cop the fuck on and knuckle down, that a refill pad filled with notes from the seven different classes that we're taking is a perfectly acceptable, organised system. Well it's not. But that's not going to stop you now, is it?
2) "I'm going to study at least thrice as much as last year."
If by study you mean procrastinating, then yes, you will 'study' three times more than you did last year. Cleaning, Netflix and Facebook creeping will be all on the rise, while study, well, your intentions were good at least.
3) "I'm going to go out far less."
Of course you are. Until Thursday, when you somehow end up sitting in someone's dingy house with a six pack of Dutch Gold in hand. Seeing as you're in college, hitting the town twice a week (minimum) is inevitable, so stop lying to your inner socialite and get your finest dancing shoes on immediately.
4) "I'm going to be super healthy this time around."
Yes, you may believe that running, quinoa and lettuce will form a major part of your life now that you've promised yourself glowing health, but be honest, after a rough night on the beer nothing spells hangover cure better than a salad right? WRONG. So wrong. Chinese and the couch anyone?
5) "I'll have so many golden weeks, they'll probably give me an award."
Correction, you'll have so many absences, they'll probably give you an award. Golden weeks are the stuff of legend, the pinnacle of a successful, dedicated student. It's similar to a golden ticket in that you're never going to get one, so stop lying to yourself now.
6) "The library shall be my new home for the next year."
This is partly true, the library shall be your new home for a brief period (week) leading up to exams. As for the rest of the semester? Well, lets just say that you and your bed will form a close and intimate relationship because at least in bed, you won't be judged for watching whatever classy shows it is that you watch.
7) "I'm going to really embrace college life and be a society head."
Have you ever met a society head? To say that they're a royal pain in the hole would be a total and utter understatement. When they're not talking and or shouting about their society, they're literally ramming election/ fundraising/ information leaflets down your throat. Nobody wants to be that person, meaning it's probably a good thing that you never really intended on being one in the first place.
8) "I will hand all of my assignments in on time and will not leave them untouched until the night before they're due."
This is very much a true and genuine aspiration, true that is, until we are given an assignment that's due in three weeks. Three weeks seems like such a very long time, you think. I'll leave it for a few days, do some research, gather my thoughts. (Enter Netflix) Then suddenly, without you even realising, it's the night before and you're pulling another caffeine fueled all nighter. So you see, really, it's not actually all your fault...
9) "I will do every bit of recommended reading that comes my way."
Yes, but have you SEEN how much reading one is actually expected to do? How in Gods name are you expected to fit it in around sleep, drinking and online 'researching'? It's an impossible task. Give up now and spare yourself the stress.