Let's be honest, shopping at Penney's is an emotional rollercoaster.
"I'm just going to run in and grab some socks", said every Penney's hun ever.
You're in the classic stage of denial here. No one in the history of shopping at Penney's has ever left the store with just a pair of socks. And if they have, they're imposters. IMPOSTERS.
Look at all this stuff! The mixture of prints, the bright colours, the array of accessories. Full of wonder, you look around in a daze overwhelmed by the sheer magic of it all.
I'll just have a quick look.
And just like that, they got you.
This is where your strategic wizardry comes into play. Right, I have about a half hour before I have to leave. If I dive straight for the clothes, I can try a few things on, get to the cash till and be out in time. I won't go near the shoes.*
Go, go, go!!
You're in. Excitedly rummaging through the clothes, swiftly moving the hangers along the rails with apt precision as you try to find your size.
Omg, I've been looking for a dress like this for ages! And it's only €15 - sure I might as well buy a new pair of shoes to go with it.
Look at all these tops! These are perfect tops to throw on with a pair of jeans on a night out. I must try on all of these.
What is the story with these queues? I'm gonna be here for aaaages. What is taking people so long?
This is your thinking time. Logic starts creeping in, slowly replacing the fantasies you were having about your potential purchases.
"Do I really need all of these tops?" you ask yourself. Will I wear them? What if I buy just one and come back next week to get the rest?
But what if they're gone and I have to live with the 'what-ifs' for the rest of time?
You're in the changing room, trying on the sexy black dress. Sexy, if you like the 60-year old widow look. Why does this dress look amazing on other people, you silently wail to yourself.
None of these clothes look good on. NONE of them.
You've made it to the 'till and you've managed to excel yourself with the quantity of purchases. Everything's so cheap after all.
Cashier: 'That'll be €996.97.'
Armed with an array of shopping bags with contents you have no knowledge of buying, you've resigned yourself to the fact that things were always going to end this way.