Results Day: It'll Go A Little Something Like This

It's nearly upon us again. That fateful Wednesday in August that changes lives and brings relief, excitement and fear, all in the one wave. Whilst you may think that this is the very beginning or the very end of your life, depending on the outcome, I promise you, it is neither. It's just a blimp, a dot, a tiny moment in time that will merely turn your life a few degrees in another direction, but never off course. For all of you in the dark, it'll probably go a little something like this...

1) You'll Fall Asleep At 3am And Have A Blissful, Forgetful Dream

2) Until You Wake Up At 6am And Remember...

3) Three Hours Later Your Parents Will Come And 'Wake You Up On The Big Day'


4) After Which They'll Plough You With Food You're Far Too Nervous To Eat

5) Then They'll Start With The "What time do you want to go in?" Questions

6) You'll Put It Off For Ten Minutes And Then Decide To Just Get It Over With


7) The Journey In Will Be Unbearable And Peppered With Parental Small Talk

8) Not To Mention Dark, Dark Thoughts

9) Then You'll Get To School, See Everyone And Shit Will Really Hit The Fan


10) You Say Goodbye To Your Family And Walk Away To Collect That Envelope Of Doom

11) The Envelope Is In Your Hands But You're Too Overcome With Emotion To Open It

12) You're Too Scared To Go On Like This So You Rip It Open


13) Except You're So Distraught By The Whole Experience That You Can't Even Add It Up

14) Eventually, Someone Takes Pity On You And Helps You Out

15) The Results Are Thrown At You, This Means Either;

Severe Level Ten Relief


Or Bone Crushing Disappointment

16) You Now Break The News To The Parents (Either Way They'll Pretend To Be Proud)

17) After This They'll Proceed To Inform Three Quarters Of The Country Of How You Did


18) Shortly After This, News Begins To Spread Of The High Achievers Results. Say Goodbye To Any Remaining Self Pride

19) But Fuck It, It's Over Now, You're Going Out And Celebrating In Style. SHOTS?

 Best Of Luck Everyone!

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Alison Keogh
Article written by
Alison decided to follow a sensible career route and chose to study Media. She happens to think of herself as a kind of Irish Beyonce after four Coronas, which usually results in her being deserted on the dance-floor by her loving friends. Her horrifically short attention span seeps into many aspects of her life, resulting in her half hearing important facts and hating people who walk at a leisurely pace.

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